Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do vagina's smell?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
These tits shall not be calmed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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