nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
