what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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