Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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