Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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