better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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