Need sex. Gaining weight.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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