They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
