Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want her autograph on my taint
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
