I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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