I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
