She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
