I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
