some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
