Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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