and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Two words: blizzard sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
