I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
