I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
