i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
