I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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