Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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