in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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