Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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