CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
