talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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