"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
