I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
