we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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