who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
