this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
