I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
