bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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