i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
