Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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