She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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