A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
