Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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