i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
