i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
