I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
