My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
