so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
