Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
