The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
