so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
