9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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