her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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