She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
