I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
