Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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