Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
