gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
