He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
