Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
