This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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