got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
