well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
