Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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