Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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